Catherine Deveny
From Olivia to oblivion
Catherine Deveny Melbourne girls are tops, but sometimes that obsession can evolve into disgust.
Checking out with dignity
Catherine Deveny What do we want? To die. When do we want it? When we choose.
A knob? A dial? Or dial a knob?
Catherine Deveny It's got to be a joke, what, with the comedy festival on. What would they call the station? Knob FM? With the rise of social networking and new media, an all-male talk-back station would be like the...
Parenting can be such fun
Catherine Deveny Tips for being a barely adequate parent begin with setting the expectations low.
Atheism is a broad church
Catherine Deveny What were we going to talk about all weekend? Nothing? Could we scientifically prove the existence of Richard Dawkins? What does an atheist scream during sex? "Truth, evidence and reason?" What's the...
Remember, you heard it here
Catherine Deveny Note this moment. Because there'll be a day when you're asked, ''Where were you when you first heard of vajazzling?'' I thought if I alerted you to the existence of vajazzling here in the privacy of...
Named and shamed
Catherine Deveny Why do (don't go there) most children(don't go there) still end up with (don't go there, don't go there, don't go there!) their father's surname? Let's first acknowledge the existence of and look...
Nobody's perfect, thankfully
Catherine Deveny I'd like to erect a shrine to disappointment. A mate I met knocking around writers' rooms in my 20s recently said, ''Dev, gag-writing's a young man's game. By our age the disappointment has set in.
Our Tony, who art in Speedos
Catherine Deveny Please tell me it's not too late to nominate Tony Abbott for a Queen's Birthday honour for his services to patriarchy and his commitment to turn back equality 1500 years.
Do the write thing
Catherine Deveny The tree's been taken down, the vouchers spent, the ham's a distant memory and the Ferrero Rochers are finished.
You wouldn't read about it
Catherine Deveny Israel. Upper Gallilee. A woman identifying herself simply as ''Mary'' claims her nine-year-old son Jesus Christ is the Son of God™.
I love Tony Abbott - and who wouldn't?
Catherine Deveny I can't stop thinking about him. I've even had his face tattooed on the insides of my eyelids so I can see him the moment I wake up. I'm so obsessed with him I chant his name aloud without realising.
You know you're from Melbourne if ...
Catherine Deveny More things that say 'Melbourne' (hey, I hear Adelaide thinks we are rivals).
Things that make me wince
Catherine Deveny Another boat of asylum seekers. A bunch of guys turning up on Hey Hey's Red Faces in black face. Sydney's Company B and the Melbourne Theatre Company's seasons for 2010 being so short on women that...
Two and a Half men is no joke
Catherine Deveny Two and a Half Men is well beyond a joke.
Make mine a short black
Catherine Deveny It's not the amount that you give to charity but to whom you give that is the biggest social marker.
Kids should not be taken on planes
Catherine Deveny I need to make a public apology. I am deeply sorry for travelling on planes with my children when they were babies and toddlers. I am ashamed. I am remorseful. I am scum.
Faking it in Donnie: don't bother having what she's having
Catherine Deveny Last week I saw Manpower, Australia's No.1 all-male review. Buns of steel, ripped abs, glistening six packs and Rock Eisteddfod choreography.
Show the kids a good time - once every 26 years or so
Catherine Deveny I took the whingeing, nagging little maggots to the show for the first time yesterday, because, quite frankly, kids these days aren't spoilt enough.
Weddings? I prefer funerals - they're far more real
Catherine Deveny I am against gay marriage. I'm against straight marriage. I'm against marriage full stop. Why are we hanging on to this relic of an anachronistic system (which still reeks of misogyny and bigotry),...
