The Goanna
The Goanna scuttles through the undergrowth, across deserts and claws his way up handy trees finding tasty morsels. The Goanna's eyes are sharp, his hearing acute and his tongue tastes the breeze. Wherever secrets lurk, he'll endeavour to flush them out. And then he delivers them to the National Times for your delectation. Here is one handy reptile cruising the halls of Parliament House and beyond.
Abbott's Parental Leave Recipe: How to make a policy without a policy
The Goanna Tony Abbott sat down one morning at the kit-chen bench and thought "I need to cook up a new idea to bug the hell out of the Rudd govern-ment... but I'll need to write a recipe first.
Upside-down, inside-out parliament wonderland
The Goanna Lewis Carroll could hardly have dreamt up the sort of marvellous hallucination that is consuming the federal parliament.
Put the art back into politics, Garrett
The Goanna Peter Garrett is a man under pressure. Everybody knows that. But when you start to speak like the Ruddbot, as our PM is so affectionately termed, then I think you're in real trouble.
Crisis control in crisis as Rudd falters over fall guys
The Goanna Kevin Rudd has finally been through all the old Paul Keating and John Howard chapters on crisis management and, being Kevin, has opted for caution.
A desperate man finds help in a streetfighter
The Goanna Anthony Albanese is the Rudd government's street fighter. He's got a lot of unexpected moves and he used one of them to rescue Peter Garrett yesterday.
Rudd's bloodied meat an anaemic meatloaf
The Goanna Paul Keating had a typically gory recipe for those times when his government got itself into headline-grabbing strife.
Is Pauline really ready for today's multicultural Britain?
The Goanna We're not sure whether Britain is quite ready for Pauline Hanson…but then, we're not entirely sure whether Ms Hanson is quite ready for today's Britain, either.
Worker's mate has a day on the piste with Kerry
The Goanna The streets of Beaver Creek, Colorado, favoured haunt of Kerry Stokes and his mates, may not actually be paved with gold.
Hanson in the USA
The Goanna Pauline Hanson was going. Then she was staying. Then, according to her real estate agent, she was going to the UK just for a holiday, stating "she does not want to become a Pom".
Kevin's Q & A with the animals
The Goanna As the sun rose over the jungle a quiet stirring was to be found. In a clearing, a gathering of young animals waited patiently for the king of the jungle, Kevin the Lion, to arrive.
Bike Goliath Leaves Others in Wake
The Goanna I was trying to figure out why I might like Tony Abbott. Was it his frankness? Was it his no-bullshit personality? Was he simply a politician that gave a genuine answer when asked a genuine...
Obama eclipses bunfight at Canberra corral
The Goanna 'Welcome back to the ranch,' beamed Kevin Rudd to puzzled post-summer-holiday reporters as he prepared to announce that the President of the US would visit Australia.
When I'm 94
The Goanna A creaking sound comes from an old wooden chair rocking on a porch on Mount Ainslie. Once home to ghouls and evil spirits bent on attacking parliamentarians, two very elderly retired gentleman sit...
Word from the tweet: this 'ere is an ex-parrot
The Goanna Julia Gillard, tweeted an excited question time tragic, "looks like she's wearing a bucket of smashed lorikeets". It seemed unkind, though creative.
Time to throw away the calendar
The Goanna Welcome to the first day of Parliament 2010. Make that 2050. We've been hearing a lot about 2050 and we're going to hear a lot more about it.
After a lengthy paws, a good idea gets recycled
The Goanna When George Bush Sr was in the White House, the president's wife, Barbara, hit on the idea of trying to humanise the family through the voice of its pet dog, Millie.
Rewriting the Avatar script, George Bush-style
The Goanna When I came out of the movies having seen the new blockbuster Avatar by Titanic director James Cameron, the last thing on my mind was politics.
Stressed-out leaders and hormonal magpies swoop at their peril
The Goanna There is, pretty clearly, a tad too much testosterone coursing through various bodies this spring. The Goanna, easily alarmed, produces two examples of prime evidence: Malcolm Turnbull's challenge to...
I wanted two God-botherers called Kevin
The Goanna Drat! The Goanna was in a lather of excitement about the prospect of Kevin Andrews taking over as new Liberal leader.
Will Abbott kill the curse of the budgie smuggler?
The Goanna Does the election of Tony Abbott to Opposition Leader, which has meant the end of the emissions trading scheme and, obviously, the new understanding that climate change doesn't exist (with the...
